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Asian Games 2014
Best and Worst, all in four days !
It might be hard to believe for most people, but both my
worst and best squash moments ever, happened within a span of
four
days! It was at the Asian Games in Incheon last year.
I lost the individual final to Abdullah Almezayen after being
2-0 and match ball up, which was my worst moment ever.
However, four days later, I helped India win the Team Gold!
It was the first time ever the Indian men's team had ever won a
team event. It was HUGE!
To give you all a better idea of the emotions running through
me, I thought it would be nice to write this article in the form
of diary entries. Hopefully, you will get a sense of how I was
feeling through those four days and appreciate what it meant to me.
23rd September, 2014 - Individual Final
The moment I lost the singles final, I could hardly believe it!
I was in a state of shock...hoping that it was all a bad dream
on the night before the final and that I would have my chance to
go out and win the Gold. I was so frustrated with myself...so
disappointed at squandering match ball... so despondent because
I had played well and genuinely didn't think I deserved to lose.
The realisation that my chance had gone and I wouldn't get
another crack for another 4 years made me sick in the stomach.
All the training I had done almost all my life and especially
the preparation over the last year felt worthless. I felt
worthless! I felt like I had let India down, my team down, my
family and close friends down and most importantly, myself down!
I remember everyone including my Dad and girlfriend telling me
that I had still won the Silver Medal and had still created
history, but that meant nothing to me. It was always the Gold
medal that I wanted.
Of course, I cried on the phone to them.
They knew what it meant to me. But I didn't know what to say or
do. I was just numb. I felt so bad when I called my grandparents
and had to tell them I lost. The Gold medal would have been for
them! Every conversation with everyone was just so hard! I
wanted to just disappear and run away from everything!
Malc: 'Go and
win that Gold for India then'
My coach, Malcolm Willstrop told me over the phone that
all I could do was play really well, which I had done and
there's nothing more I could ask of myself. He also said that
the best thing I could do was to win the Team Gold for India.
When he said that, I was depressed, I didn't think I had the
fight left in me to even try to win the Team event. Plus, India
wasn't a clear favourite to win. In fact, we were seeded 3!
I must add that I was taken aback by the support I received from
people I had never met on Twitter and Facebook that day. They
were all so nice. There was no one who criticised me. Everyone
only had encouraging words for me. Reading all those messages
helped me a great deal. It made me want to keep playing, to keep
trying and to keep fighting for the Team event.
I couldn't sleep till about 5 am the next morning. I kept
rolling around in bed replaying the final in my head. Thinking
about what I should have and could have done different on match
ball. Trying to figure out how on earth I had lost after being
2-0 up! Each vision in my head was like a dagger through my
chest. Each moment gave me a new reason to run away! I was still
in disbelief!
24th September, 2014
I woke up the next day around 11 and remember having a small
conversation with myself. I remember telling myself to stop
caring about myself. The Team event wasn't about me. It was
about Harry, Mahesh and Kush (my team mates). They had
trained really hard to put us in a position where we had a
realistic chance of winning this. I couldn't not play ... if I
didn't give my best I would be letting them down.
I realised that over time I would find the courage to deal with
my loss in the Individual final but I would never be able to
look at myself in the mirror if I didn't try my hardest for
these guys. Harry is probably my best friend in life and I knew
he would understand if I couldn't get back and play too
well ... but I knew I wouldn't be able to face him. Letting them
down was too big a burden for me to carry through my life.
So, I told myself I would play every match for them and I would
do all I could to fix myself mentally and physically.
26th September, 2014 -Team Semis
This was semi finals day in the team event! We played Kuwait
and that meant a rematch with Abdullah Almezayen, the
guy I lost to in the Individual final.
I knew if I won we were almost certain to win the tie, with
Abdullah being really strong at number one but we had better
depth. Our number two player, Mahesh, played first and
played really well to win 3-0.
Before going into my match, I knew that it would be highly
unlikely for us to produce the consistent quality of the
Individual final. Both of us were mentally and physically tired.
It would be more of a shootout, probably not something I would
like against a player of his ilk. On the other hand, I could
break him down quicker as well if I countered well. So, it was a
double edged sword.
As it happened, I sneaked the first game, which was probably the
worst one game we both had played whole week! He came back to
win the second game and I could feel my legs were heavy! Not the
best sign! I pushed hard to win the 3rd game, both mentally and
physically. I felt like I was breaking him down as well which
was great. However, I knew what he had done in the Individual
final after being 2-0 down. I knew he was going to let loose and
go for everything. The key would be to keep my structure and
withstand the initial onslaught.
All those plans went out of the window in the fourth game, when
Abdullah played the single best game of shot making I might have
ever seen. It was absolutely unbelievable. There were moments
when I wanted to put my racket down and just clap. Some of the
shots were unthinkable. Even thinking about playing them would
seem crazy to most players! So, we were back at 2-2.
The memories of the Individual final rushing back to me. In
between games, I told myself to stay with him; to attack him as
well, when I got the chance. I also felt that he couldn't
possibly play another game like the 4th. At least, I was hoping
he couldn't! As it happened, I played a really good 5th game. I
was very solid and attacked him at the right times. My movement
was probably the best it had been all match as well, which
definitely helped!
I won the fifth game 11-3 and we were into the
final for the first time ever at the Asian Games.
It felt right
that both of us won one match each that week. Both of us had
played some really good squash through the whole week and
neither of us deserved to lose either match. I guess it was a
way of things evening out.
27th September, 2014 - Team Final
This was the big day! The final! My chance to put right the loss
in the Individual final. However, we were playing a very strong
Malaysian team. We knew as a team that I had to win for us to
have a chance. Mahesh and Harry could definitely win at
two
and three, but if you had to put money on it, you would have to go
with the Malaysian players. Basically, we needed one big
performance from Harry or Mahesh and for me to recover well and
win my match, no matter what!
The team order was such that Harry played first. He was
playing Azlan Iskandar, a former World number 10 and the
Asian Games Individual Gold medallist from 2010. This was going
to be a really hard one!
The match started with Azlan controlling the play and using his
experience to lead 6-1 in the 1st game. Things weren't looking
the best at this point, although I was never expecting Harry to
win the 1st game. I was just hoping Harry could extend the first
game and put some miles into Azlan's legs, so that it would pay
dividends later.
As it happened, Harry played brilliantly from
6-1 down and won the game! This was the best case scenario! He
went on for the second and played some of the best squash of his
life and led 2-0. We could sense Azlan struggling and Harry was
playing with a lot of confidence.
Unfortunately, Harry got excited and started rushing things. He
ended up losing the third game. It was so important for Harry to
get back to playing the way he had in the first two games. You
don't want to give people like Azlan too much to work with. I
knew he was good enough to take advantage if Harry didn't do the
right things.
I was supposed to be playing next and so, I was
warming up. But I remember praying that Harry would win the fourth
game; that I would have the chance to win it for us! There was
so much going on in my head. Thankfully, Harry played really
well and won a big match for us!
We were 1-0 up in the tie!
It was my time now! Up to me to win it for India. This was going
to be Beng Hee's last ever Asian Games match and I knew
he wasn't going to lie down without a fight. And so it started!
The first game was nip and tuck till about 6-6. After that, my
legs started to feel heavy and I couldn't push up on the court
as much as I would have liked. Beng Hee played some good points
and ended up winning the game. It wasn't the best start for me,
especially because I knew my legs didn't have much left in them.
I told myself to attack more when I got the chance and to give
everything I had. I think I played some good squash to win the
second and third games.
I knew Beng Hee would have one last push left in him; that would
be his last roll of the dice. That's what happened. He played
really well but I managed to stick with him and even got to
match ball. As luck would have it, I hit the top of the tin and
ended up losing the game! This was so wrong! It was like the
Individual final was being played out in front of my eyes again!
I had to consciously stop thinking about it, just so that I
could focus on the 5th game.
I remember Harry talking to me in between games. I remember his
face so vividly before going in for the fifth game. I could see
how badly he wanted me to win. I could feel what it meant to
him, and looking at him I realised what it meant to me. I went
in telling myself I needed to push for one game. I needed to win
this one game - not for me but for the guys on the team. I
remember telling myself that after every point in the fifth
game!
When I finally won the 5th game 11-9, it felt like all the
training I had done all my life was worth it for the one moment!
It was unbelievable.
There is a picture of Harry and me hugging
each other after I won. He was literally carrying me. For those
few seconds, we didn't say a word to each other. We both knew
what it meant to us and for squash in India. The silence did all
the talking. I wish I could freeze that moment forever.
I don't think I've ever been happier! The Team Gold was my
redemption.
I remember it well ...
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