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May 2009:
Parky & Jayne tie the knot
James Willstrop reports |
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The Wedding of Simon Armour
Parke and Jayne Massarella took place last
Saturday within the idyllic confines of Carlton Towers. It
was in Yorkshire and yes the sun did shine for them.
Clearly this is a massive undertaking for both; in fact it’s
difficult to tell who will cope with their new matrimonial
arrangement better. Perhaps neither is worse off as they
seem to suit each other perfectly. It is difficult to think
of anyone as hell bent on uniformity and system as Simon,
and this theme came up regularly in the three speeches, but
anyone who knows Jayne and Simon would know that he has met
his match. At one stage during the speeches Jayne seemed to
have disappeared. When Simon was asked of her whereabouts,
he quipped, ‘She’s gone to fill the dishwasher’.
The Church ceremony seemed to go well although at one stage
there was a slight worry over Jayne’s inability to stop
laughing while stating her vows. It looked as if it might
all go wrong, as she seemingly became overcome by a heavy
dose of the giggles when looking in to Simon’s eyes. No-one
would necessarily blame her for that, but nevertheless she
held together and finished it all by jesting ‘cheers’ to the
priest, a touch that came straight out of Doncaster town
centre. Incongruous isn’t the word...
John Massarella, father of Jayne and World Referee,
seemed to be happy to be lecturing a room full of squash
players for once. He was clearly shifty about the amount of
money that had been spent on this wedding, and only when the
alcohol had firmly kicked in could he relax. It was
difficult to understand the lavish and grand backdrop for
the wedding when I had only months earlier witnessed him
berate a waiter in a hotel about the porridge being too
expensive. Perhaps when I look back it figures - he clearly
needed all the money he could muster. But it was a good
effort for a man who takes his own sandwiches on to a budget
flight so he can avoid the prices.
In his speech he recalled the night that Simon and Jayne
were first acquainted at a Yorkshire League match in
Pontefract, the first match Jayne had been to for a while.
To John’s surprise Jayne consequently enquired about
accompanying her father to a match the following week in
Nottingham, where Simon happened to be playing. John
admitted that the alarm bells were ringing and he went on to
describe how he had never had as much attention from Simon
as he endeavoured to worm his way in, pathetically texting
John at 1.30 in the morning after the match to ask for
Jayne’s number, as he hadn’t been able to ask her himself.
The rest was history and John had done a matchmaking job.
Best Man David Campion regaled the gathering with
stories of Simon’s ways, his incredible forward planning and
need for order. David told of the text message Simon had
sent to Paul Hornsby concerning an evening in with his
friends a week or so later, stating that they should eat ice
cream after a few drinks. Of course only Simon would think
of planning to eat ice cream.
The Best Man also related to the vast number of guest that
after spending new Year in the Peak District with friends,
Jayne decided to text them on New Years’ Day, to enquire
about re-booking for next year, again demonstrating an
extreme propensity for planning. David stated that very few
people would be willing and able to book a New Year’s party
a full 364 days in advance...
Simon added with witty words to complete an excellent
program of speeches. I can’t think that speaking in front of
such a large and varied crowd is very easy at all, and each
one was entertaining.
There was a healthy splattering of squash folk, past and
present and many of Simon’s England Teammates had made the
journey from various parts of the world.
I’m sure some happy memories for the new Mr and Mrs Parke to
remember..
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