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Kent
Open 2010 - Alan Thatcher's BLOG
01-06 Jun, Maidstone, England, $10k |
05-Jun, Day Four:
TEAM JONNY LOSE
TO TEAM MALAYSIA
Former Birmingham University mates Johnny Harford and
Johnny Powell enjoyed their doubles battle with Team
Malaysia (Muhamed Asyraf Azan and Ivan Yuen) despite
the defeat.
That followed the Lightning Round, when Jonny (Powell) was
very keen to let the world know that he crunched his old pal
3-0 at the start of the tournament. Powell then bullied his
way past Kent junior Josh Masters before a rematch
with Wael Farag, who had beaten him in the qualifying
round of the kent open.
Wael duly took over centre stage and saw off six opponents,
racking up 22 points on the board, before failing to Azan.
The Malaysian then saw off Simon Crowther before
losing the decising round to another Kent junior, Elliot
Knight, who was happy to make off with the cash prize
after spending the day complaining about his elimination
from the doubles (with partner Shaun Atkinson) to Team
Powell and Thatcher despite winning the pool match 15-13
in the fifth after 75 minutes - the longest match seen at
The Mote during the whole Kent open programme!
It's been a great week, that's for sure.
Plans are already in place to bring the event back next
year, even bigger and better.
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ROONEY REGRETS CHINESE MEAL
John Rooney's absence because of food poisoning followed a
Chinese meal in Guildford on Friday night.
The Irish No.3 seed had been out with family and friends and
said:
"I had a nice Chinese meal with some chicken and an hour and
a half later I was in a terrible state.
"I was ill all night and was just too weak to think about
playing someone like Jonny Harford.
"It's such a shame because I have been playing well and was
looking forward to the match. I slept most of the day and
then drove home to Manchester this evening."
Everyone at The Mote is keen to invite Rooney and Harford
back to the club for a rematch in the summer.
Get well soon, JR. |
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ACTION-PACKED SUPER SATURDAY
A full day of action
will be filling the Mote Squash Club courts before
the two semi-finals begin at 5pm.
The club is next door to the cricket pavilion at the
beautiful Mote Park and the view from the balcony on a
summer's day is an English landscape at its finest,
surrounded by greenery with not a single building in sight.
That's enough of the Wordsworth - back to the squash.
The doubles will be followed by the launch of an annual
grudge match match between the two Kent leagues - the
Priory (which covers SE London) and the Outer Kent
League.
Tim Garner has been drafted in as the new number one
for the Priory League by skipper Mark Steeden and
Joe Magor, the OK captain, was busy waving his
chequebook in The Mote bar last night in an attempt to
balance the playing standard.
Some of the pros are clearly up for trying their luck ion
the Lightning Round before the main draw semi-finals,
and the weather forecast promises to be good for the evening
barbecue.
Whatever the results of the Super Saturday shenanigans, the
club will be packed once again as the tournament draws close
to the business end.
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03-Jun, Day Three:
BRUM CHUMS BRING THE HOUSE DOWN
Hoovering, washing-up and shopping lists don't usually come
top of the agenda during most squash tournament
conversations but they have certainly found a niche here at
The Mote as Jonny Harford and his Birmingham
housemate Chris Truswell prepare to do battle in the
quarter-finals of the Kent Open.
Harford hammered No.2 seed Muhamed Asyraf Azan from Malaysia
and Truswell trussed up No.7 seed Harinderpal Sandhu of
India to set up a domestic clash which could have a massive
effect on their respective lifestyles in the coming weeks.
As well as prize money and ranking points, domestic bragging
rights are clearly at stake and all sorts of side bets are
being made to provide each player with extra motivation. The
loser will be presented with a pair of Marigolds immediately
after the match to help cope with the mountain of housework
they will face in the next six months.
But there's more to this story than meets the eye. A third
member of the household, Joel Hinds, was widely
fancied to spring another major surprise last night but he
lost to top seed Alan Clyne after winning the opening game
and leading for much of the fourth before succumbing 12-10
on the tiebreak.
The three players dined together after the match and the
conversation was reminiscent of the TV programme Friends as
domestic gossip revealed a FOURTH squash-playing housemate,
world No.99 Jaymie Haycocks, who failed to make the
journey south to Kent.
The mind boggles at the amount of rancid squash kit
littering the house after training sessions and tournaments
Jaymie might regret his decision not to come down to The
Mote, if only to protect his reputation, which was lying in
tatters late last night as the third floor boys from the
Wild West (named after their West Drive address in the
stylish Brummie suburb of Edgbaston) gossiped about their
slightly aloof ground floor neighbour, who once managed to
make it past Maidstone to Crowborough for a racketball
exhibition with Jonny Powell.
The three amigos decided to award Haycocks points for his
contribution to domestic harmony when presented with a
series of questions by your humble, fact-finding reporter.
 Here's
how the Haycocks Q and A went:
Personal Hygiene: 4/10
Cleaning Duties: 2/10
Socks:
1/10 (potential health hazard)
Changing bed linen: Very frequent
The scoring did, however, take a dramatic upward turn when
Haycocks' social skills were discussed.
Entertainment value:
9/10
Ability to provide female company: 9/10 |
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OLD
KENT ROADS
The traffic was terrible again today as the M25 ground to a
halt and Maidstone had another visit from the Kent Air
Ambulance after another town centre pile-up.
Kent is known as the Garden of England. It's a lovely place
to live. It's just a pig of a place to get to and from when
the world's busiest stretch of roads hit meltdown at rush
hour and squash players, who should know better, add to the
congestion.
Despite the traffic problems, it was good to see some
genuine squash lovers make the journey from Thanet and
Rodmersham.
It will be interesting to see how many Priory League players
can tune in their sat-navs to make the 25-mile journey to
support Ben Ford and Steven London. |
02-Jun, Day Two:
CRAZY WORLD OF
ARTHUR GASKIN
 Arthur
had a nice cosy bed to curl up in last night at the
Grangemoor Hotel in Maidstone. Instead, he chose to drive
all the way home to Bradford and then motor back this
morning , two round trips totalling around 750 miles. No
wonder he looked a little jaded tonight against Jonny
Harford after threatening to wipe him off the court at the
start of the first game.
Arthur was clearly struggling to hear clearly as the marker
Dean Clayton announced at the start of the third game: "One
game all, Harford to serve." Gaskin looked up and said "I'm
Arthur, not him."
Our two giggling match officials then received a conduct
warning for holding up play as they tried to keep their
chuckle muscles under control.
JONNY CASH
 Associate
sponsor Jonny Powell, The Mote's one-man fun palace (see
Yesterday's Blog), has generated enormous viral exposure for
the tournament by linking the blog article to his Facebook
page following last night's blood-curdling display.
The last time he was checked for any kind of viral exposure
resulted in a course of penicillin. Let's hope his knee and
ankle recover in time for Saturday's Big Brunch Doubles.
Jonny has been handed a golden opportunity to retrieve his
tarnished reputation following a controversial selection
crisis featuring England's most successful doubles player
(me - unbeaten in four years in my XXL weight category) and
Toby (XXXL) Mortimer.
Following Theo Walcott's big chop from England's World Cup
squad, I decided Toby had to go following a disgraceful lack
of commitment to the cause, demanding to be released from
doubles duty at 12 noon to return to his coaching duties at
Limpsfield. Clearly, his pupils would have learned far more
had he brought them over to The Mote and been exposed to the
kind of Garden Of England hot-house coaching environment
that is threatening to rival the Egyptians.
So, now, it's One-Leg Jonny on the left-hand wall and
One-Leg Thatch on the right hand wall as we embark on a
nick-fest designed to mask any lack of mobility. |
CANDID KAMARA
Issa Kamara enjoyed his return to The Mote. He's always a
popular visitor, despite one opponent last year threatening
him with physical violence after a tempestuous battle in the
Kent Closed. |
WHINGER OF THE WEEK AWARD
Done and dusted. Sealed from Day One. Moaned about the
qualifying draw. Moaned about the schedule. Moaned about his
opponent arriving late tonight when he was on the verge of
being scratched himself for being late as well. Tried to get
the schedule changed so he could watch his mate play
........ this is a PSA world ranking tournament, not some
junior knock-about.
His identity will remain a secret if he fulfils a number of
humble tasks presented to him by the tournament committee
later today. Watch this space. |
01-Jun, Day One:
THEY SPHINX IT'S ALL OVER:
IT IS NOW
I don't like refereeing matches while I'm running a
tournament because you will always be distracted by someone
tapping you on the shoulder asking for a lift back to the
hotel just when something contentious is happening down on
court.
Today I had no option after our Tournament Referee Linda
Davie was stuck in traffic on the M1, M25, M2, M20 and
then hit a total snarl-up in Maidstone Town Centre after a
nasty smash half a mile from the Mote Squash Club.
With Dean Clayton taking over refereeing duties on
Court Two, Ryan Thompson kindly handled the first match on
Court One, between Arthur Gaskin and Neil Baker, as I
confidently expected Linda to arrive for the next one up on
the show court. Sadly, she was tearing her hair out for
another hour and a half as her sat-nav directed her straight
to Armstrong Road in Maidstone, scene of a nasty rush-hour
accident.
I was happy to take on the second match, between Egypt's
Wael Farag and The Mote's show-boating, free-wheeling,
bottle-juggling, nick-slamming, one-man fun palace associate
sponsor Jonny Powell.
Jonny made the mistake of slamming his first service return
into the opposite nick to get the first point on the board.
It's never a good idea to outshine a showman and Jonny
suddenly found himself dragged all over his favourite court
as Wael showed he is a master of slow-balling wristy flicks,
sliced drops and gut-wrenching boasts.
It's a good job Jonny had pledged to give up alcohol for two
months ahead of the tournament. Shame he twisted his ankle a
week ago and struggled to move forward to cover the
bamboozling array of shots emanating from Wael's racket.
From 1-0 up, Jonny was suddenly 7-1 down and getting the
kind of spanking he may have secretly enjoyed as a
schoolboy.
 With
cheeks flushed the kind of crimson hue that normally results
in a 999 call from worried bystanders, Jonny did his best,
always arriving with perfect precision, just as the ball
bounced twice. Wael, realising that he had failed to fill in
a a risk assessment form for inducing all kinds of physical
ailments to his opponent, decided to take the kindly,
sporting option and slowed things down. Unfortunately, this
made Jonny work even harder. He was lunging, he was
stretching. He was hurting. He was gasping.
The crowd were wincing, feeling his hurt, sensing his pain,
but giggling quietly as they relished his discomfort, with
an unspoken chorus of "Now you know how it feels when you do
that stuff to us on Club Night." Some women were hoping they
might have to offer an oral resuscitation service, and were
fighting over who was to go down (to the court) first.
I am not sure if any of these services were provided between
games but Jonny came back in the second, winning seven
points, and he nearly brought the roof down (don't let the
club insurers read that) as he hit back from match ball down
to take the third to a tiebreak.
Twice Jonny held game ball but twice he rattled the tin.
Maybe his unconscious autonomic sensory mechanisms took over
at that point, directing the ball into the tin to save him
from further pain that a fourth game would have produced.
They know best. They always do. And Jonny's body is his
temple. Open to worshippers seven days a week.
Alan Thatcher |
WALKS LIKE AN EGYPTIAN, TALKS LIKE A COCKNEY, SMACKS IT LIKE
WHITEY
Yep, that's Karim Samy.
After the qualis were over, Court One was taken over by the Egyptians as
long-serving Kent coach Alam Soliman and his son
Mo joined Karim and Wael on court for a display of trick
shots. I decided it would be a good time to bring out the
radar gun and see just how hard these boys could smack that
little black ball.
I'm too much of a gentleman to mention Soli's age, but he
did well to notch 121mph. Wael, Karim and Mo had a bit of a
slog-fest, with Karim finally registering a ferocious
159mph. It's still some way short of John White's 172mph but
nobody else in the world of squash possesses the kind of
knock-kneed, elastic that frame that allowed Whitey to bend
into the most outrageous of body shapes top hit the ball the
way he did.
Jonny Harford did a very entertaining impersonation of
Whitey's twisting and bending, but he needs a bit more
practice to get near Karim's speed.
QUALITY SQUASH
I've said it many times before, and I will continue saying
it. I love the brutal nature of qualifying.
It's a tournament within a tournament as rising stars from
all over the world battle their way through to a place in
the first round, a chunk of ranking points and a very handy
(if embarrassingly small in comparison with other sports)
smattering of prize money.
The fact that squash players do what they do without the
lure of million-dollar bonuses singles them out as
extraordinary human beings achieving extraordinary physical
feats in the course of their work.
If our modest Kent Open helps them in some way to achieving
their dreams, then we are more than happy to have helped in
that process. |
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01-Jun, Day One:
THE KENT OPEN: READY TO ROLL
By ALAN THATCHER
After months of planning, and a fantastic build-up with the
Kent Squash Festival, the Kent Open is about to begin.
Players flew in today from various parts of the world,
including Egypt, Malaysia, Turkey, Holland, Russia, India
.... and Yorkshire!
 They
were glad to have a hit on the Mote courts before checking
in at the Grange Moor Hotel, with Alam Soliman
treating his Egyptian guests to a Cairo barbecue in his back
garden (cooked by his son Mo).
Qualifying starts today with the draw at 4pm and play
beginning at 5.15pm, with the professionals joined by locals
Neil Baker (Rodmersham) and The Mote's Jonny Powell
and James Evans.
The qualifying finals are tomorrow, with four places up for
grabs in the main draw on Thursday, where Ben Ford is
seeded No.8 and Wild Card Steven London is looking
forward to his PSA debut against Irish No.1 John Rooney.
As always, it was interesting to watch the Egyptians and
Malaysians warming up and seeing so many different styles of
hitting a squash ball.
Our old buddy Issa Kamara, from Sierra Leone, is now
based in Turkey and he joins the hopefuls in qualifying. He
is seeded seven after the withdrawal of No.2 qualifying seed
Olivier Pett from Sussex.
The main draw begins on Thursday with the first round, with
the Quarter-Finals on Friday, the Semi-Finals on Saturday
and the Final on Sunday.
This is the biggest project ever undertaken by the Kent SRA,
in conjunction with England Squash and Racketball and The
Mote Squash Club, and we hope that the gallery will be
packed with Kent squash enthusiasts every day.
The courts are looking immaculate and the club is decked out
with signage generously donated by Tom Woods from Autowrap.
Our sponsors include Harrow Rackets and we are pleased to
see a large number of Harrow players in both the qualifying
competition and main draw.
There's only one thing to say: Bring it on!
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